To All LDS Women

IMG_7757  Woman and Her Talents. 1978. Sculpto...

I wrote this as a note on Facebook a while ago, but now that I have my own “Mormon Mommy blog,” I thought I’d post it here just so you can get to know me a little better and what my take on this side of things is:

To all Mormon women out there:

A lot has been circulating lately about “mormon mommy blogs” since we had some big discovery that other people who are not of our faith are actually reading what we write.  I have been keeping track of a lot of the comments about this and apparently it has caused several of us “Mormon Mommys” to start feeling bad about who we are, or at least ADMITTING that we feel bad about who we are because we don’t fit in with these stereotype mormon mommys somehow and now feel we are less of a mormon for it, or something like that. . .Many have commented that they don’t have anyone to talk to in Relief Society because they feel they are judged because they are so seemingly different from everyone around them.  That makes me SO SAD.  We are a church supposedly of people who include everyone, not excluding anyone.
Just wanted to say that I guess I don’t know the entire stereotype that follows us, but I have gathered a few tidbits here and there about parts and I would like to open this up and say, look at me–I may fit the stereotype in some ways, and in other ways I don’t, but IT DOESN’T MATTER.

So yes, I have a rather large family by today’s standards (my choice, and I’m happy with that choice), and yes I stay home with my kids (my choice, and I’m happy with that too), and yes I play the piano (something I have done since I was tiny and it truly is my passion), and yes, I enjoy couponing.  But if you don’t have a family, if you work, if you don’t enjoy music, or if you can’t stand the idea of clipping coupons, THAT’S AWESOME.

Now, here’s how I don’t fit in (just a partial list, of course):
— I don’t enjoy scrapbooking.  Actually, it’s a huge chore for me to just get photos into a book so the kids can have some photo memories someday.  I don’t “cute” it up with anything, nor do I have any desire to do so. But if you do, if you really ENJOY it, THAT’S AWESOME!

–I also make my kid’s birthday cakes, but I do it only to save money.  I don’t have any desire to learn cake decorating and my “decorating” usually is some frosting basically buttered on like you would on bread.  Besides birthdays, I rarely make baked goods, because I really don’t love it all that much.  But if you make yours ultra cute and fun and you ENJOY it, THAT’S AWESOME.

–I have also learned that in the new ward I am in, many of these moms are marathoners and they ENJOY it.  I have no desire to run a marathon and am not going to train for one simply to fit in.  I am happy to hear that other people actually LIKE it, and I really learn a lot from those that do, but it’s not for me.  I will exercise to be in shape and healthy, but that’s it.  Again, if you are one who likes that, THAT’S AWESOME. **are you getting my point yet?**

–I fully admit that my house is only completely clean when I’m having people come over.  I need a semi-clean house to feel sane, but it’s NEVER perfect.  I don’t enjoy cleaning, I do it only so I don’t get overwhelmed.  But if you ENJOY cleaning, and you really ENJOY having a perfectly clean house, THAT’S AWESOME.

–I can’t stand shopping.  I simply cannot stand it.  If I need something new, I find a sale, go into the store, and grab what I need and exit as fast as I can.  I have no idea what clothes are in style, nor do I care to.  I don’t have pierced ears, I own only 1 necklace, and only 3 pairs of shoes (one for exercise, one for regular days, and one for Sundays).  But, again, if shopping is YOUR THING and you love to find cute, in-style clothes, and you ENJOY that, THAT’S AWESOME.

So here’s what I’m trying to say if it’s not perfectly clear.  We are all different people.  We all have strengths and weaknesses.  What brings us together is our faith in Jesus Christ and his gospel.  It simply DOES NOT MATTER if you are married, single, divorced, have children, or none, work, or stay home, or a combo of both, or bake, or hate baking, or scrapbook,or hate scrapbooking, or love music, or hate music, or wear ‘in-style’ clothes, or wear your style clothes, or you like shopping, or your can’t stand shopping, or you drive a van, or an SUV, or live in a house, or live in an apartment, or grew up Mormon, or are a recent convert, or have kids who have all stayed in the gospel, or have kids who have left the church, or WHATEVER.

We all feel uncomfortable somehow of how we don’t “fit” the stereotype–LET’S STOP.  I believe we all pretend to like certain things simply to feel like we fit in more–LET’S STOP.  If we are doing something that’s really not our thing just to make people think we’re good “mormon mommys”, LET’S STOP.  Let’s just celebrate our faith together and learn from each other and become better TOGETHER.

Every one of you is AWESOME.  Truly.  I am so amazed at the wonderful women who surround me.  I learn so much from you, and I’m not just saying that.  Thank you for being so awesome.  Please, just realize that you really are.  If you’re feeling like you don’t fit in, know that I feel the exact same way, and you can come sit by me in Relief Society 🙂  We’ll ‘not fit in’ together 🙂


11 thoughts on “To All LDS Women

  1. I grew up in the Utah Mormon culture, and to make it even more stereotypical, I’m the Bishop’s daughter. There have always been so many ideals that were expected I live up to. I’ve really struggled living up to these not so implied expectations. I’ve gone through phases of extreme rebellion, to finally two years ago at age 40 I broke the mold I was set in…This is a fabulous post and invites some deep inner reflection of all of our lives and how we view others…Thanks for sharing.

    • Thank you so much for the insightful comment, Tisha! We definitely view others a certain way and create expectations because of situations they may be in. I tried to find a blog address I might read some from you, but I couldn’t locate one. Do you have a blog I could check out?

      • Thanks for your comments. I do have a blog, but I haven’t written for a while. I started out with lots of enthusiastic efforts, but I couldn’t seem to build a readership. With lots of disappointment, I faded off. I’d be excited to know how you have built such a beautiful following. I’d really like to build my blog, I just don’t know how. Maybe what I have to say is for my own ears, and no one elses…It’s crazy how the Lord works sometimes…I don’t know. Thanks for any advise you might have.

  2. I love this post. And I live down the street from the writer. I am happy to start getting to know her and I love that she loves music (I do too) I love that she doesn’t want to run a marathon (I feel the same) and I love that she feels the same way about scrap booking as I do. Now we also have our differences ( I REALLY love to BAKE). But I’ll tell you what…I absolutely LOVE her stand on pretending to be something we are not. It is rather exhausting, it makes no sense and it doesn’t really do any good for anyone. “LET’S STOP!” Thanks so much! This post is AWESOME!

    • Thank you, Andrea! I’m enjoying getting to know you as well! So glad we have so much in common, and so glad for our differences as well–that’s what makes life and friends so great. Thanks again for the great comment.

  3. I loved your post. We are all different but we are also all sisters and need each other. In my era it was being a Molly Mormon; which I personally don’t know anyone that was that perfect. I once had an older sister tell me she didn’t want to come to the RS meetings anymore because she didn’t enjoy doing the crafts. She had already done all of those things. At the time I told her we needed her there to share some of her wisdom. Some of my best friends through the years have been older sisters and sometimes sisters much younger than I am. Remember don’t be afraid to get to know some of those older sisters too. I love this quote so I thought I would share it.
    Blessings for a awesome post

    “We are all in this together. We need each other. Oh, how we need each other. Those of us who are old need you who are young, and hopefully, you who are young need some of us who are old…We need deep and satisfying and loyal friendships with each other. These friendships are a necessary source of sustenance. We need to renew our faith every day. We need to lock arms and help build the kingdom so that it will roll forth and fill the whole earth.”
    ~Marjorie Pay Hinckley

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