I wrote this as a note on Facebook a while ago, but now that I have my own “Mormon Mommy blog,” I thought I’d post it here just so you can get to know me a little better and what my take on this side of things is:
To all Mormon women out there:
A lot has been circulating lately about “mormon mommy blogs” since we had some big discovery that other people who are not of our faith are actually reading what we write. I have been keeping track of a lot of the comments about this and apparently it has caused several of us “Mormon Mommys” to start feeling bad about who we are, or at least ADMITTING that we feel bad about who we are because we don’t fit in with these stereotype mormon mommys somehow and now feel we are less of a mormon for it, or something like that. . .Many have commented that they don’t have anyone to talk to in Relief Society because they feel they are judged because they are so seemingly different from everyone around them. That makes me SO SAD. We are a church supposedly of people who include everyone, not excluding anyone.
Just wanted to say that I guess I don’t know the entire stereotype that follows us, but I have gathered a few tidbits here and there about parts and I would like to open this up and say, look at me–I may fit the stereotype in some ways, and in other ways I don’t, but IT DOESN’T MATTER.
So yes, I have a rather large family by today’s standards (my choice, and I’m happy with that choice), and yes I stay home with my kids (my choice, and I’m happy with that too), and yes I play the piano (something I have done since I was tiny and it truly is my passion), and yes, I enjoy couponing. But if you don’t have a family, if you work, if you don’t enjoy music, or if you can’t stand the idea of clipping coupons, THAT’S AWESOME.
Now, here’s how I don’t fit in (just a partial list, of course):
— I don’t enjoy scrapbooking. Actually, it’s a huge chore for me to just get photos into a book so the kids can have some photo memories someday. I don’t “cute” it up with anything, nor do I have any desire to do so. But if you do, if you really ENJOY it, THAT’S AWESOME!
–I also make my kid’s birthday cakes, but I do it only to save money. I don’t have any desire to learn cake decorating and my “decorating” usually is some frosting basically buttered on like you would on bread. Besides birthdays, I rarely make baked goods, because I really don’t love it all that much. But if you make yours ultra cute and fun and you ENJOY it, THAT’S AWESOME.
–I have also learned that in the new ward I am in, many of these moms are marathoners and they ENJOY it. I have no desire to run a marathon and am not going to train for one simply to fit in. I am happy to hear that other people actually LIKE it, and I really learn a lot from those that do, but it’s not for me. I will exercise to be in shape and healthy, but that’s it. Again, if you are one who likes that, THAT’S AWESOME. **are you getting my point yet?**
–I fully admit that my house is only completely clean when I’m having people come over. I need a semi-clean house to feel sane, but it’s NEVER perfect. I don’t enjoy cleaning, I do it only so I don’t get overwhelmed. But if you ENJOY cleaning, and you really ENJOY having a perfectly clean house, THAT’S AWESOME.
–I can’t stand shopping. I simply cannot stand it. If I need something new, I find a sale, go into the store, and grab what I need and exit as fast as I can. I have no idea what clothes are in style, nor do I care to. I don’t have pierced ears, I own only 1 necklace, and only 3 pairs of shoes (one for exercise, one for regular days, and one for Sundays). But, again, if shopping is YOUR THING and you love to find cute, in-style clothes, and you ENJOY that, THAT’S AWESOME.
So here’s what I’m trying to say if it’s not perfectly clear. We are all different people. We all have strengths and weaknesses. What brings us together is our faith in Jesus Christ and his gospel. It simply DOES NOT MATTER if you are married, single, divorced, have children, or none, work, or stay home, or a combo of both, or bake, or hate baking, or scrapbook,or hate scrapbooking, or love music, or hate music, or wear ‘in-style’ clothes, or wear your style clothes, or you like shopping, or your can’t stand shopping, or you drive a van, or an SUV, or live in a house, or live in an apartment, or grew up Mormon, or are a recent convert, or have kids who have all stayed in the gospel, or have kids who have left the church, or WHATEVER.
We all feel uncomfortable somehow of how we don’t “fit” the stereotype–LET’S STOP. I believe we all pretend to like certain things simply to feel like we fit in more–LET’S STOP. If we are doing something that’s really not our thing just to make people think we’re good “mormon mommys”, LET’S STOP. Let’s just celebrate our faith together and learn from each other and become better TOGETHER.
Every one of you is AWESOME. Truly. I am so amazed at the wonderful women who surround me. I learn so much from you, and I’m not just saying that. Thank you for being so awesome. Please, just realize that you really are. If you’re feeling like you don’t fit in, know that I feel the exact same way, and you can come sit by me in Relief Society 🙂 We’ll ‘not fit in’ together 🙂