So, today was pretty much the most uplifting day I have had in church in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, church is usually very uplifting, but today was, well, awesome, and exactly what I needed.
You might have seen my long post yesterday (about the modesty thing), and recognize that I have now deleted it. Here’s why I deleted it: I realized several hours after posting it that, while I had convinced myself that I was coming from an honest and heartfelt place, I really was just coming from a defensive place. I took down the post because I don’t need to prove why I parent a certain way to anybody else, and because I don’t ever want anyone around me to feel they need to defend why they parent a certain way. We are all in this together, and I felt that joining in that conversation was just going to divide us more. So, I deleted it. And, yes, pretty much felt awful for posting it.
I went to church this morning and saw several little beautiful girls in beautiful dresses, sleeved and sleeveless, short, and long, and berated myself for ever posting what could have been considered by anyone as an attack on their parenting If you were one who felt that way, I am very sorry. I hope you can forgive me.
So, I went into Sacrament meeting this morning feeling very down on myself and embarrassed for what I had written, and also pretty much horrible for a lot of other things I did yesterday (online and offline)–just poor judgments on my part that didn’t make me feel good about my choices.
I know you’re waiting for the part where this becomes a great day. Just wait for it 🙂
I sat down in the meeting and found out we were going to hear from our past Relief Society Presidency (the few women in charge of our church’s women’s organization) and our newly called Relief Society Presidency. “Great,” I thought, “this is just what I need. I’m here feeling super bad about myself and embarrassed by my actions and now I get to hear from probably the most perfect women in my ward.”
I wasn’t excited.
Then, they started their talks. Every single one of them mentioned something about how they did not feel worthy for the call, or how they knew that they were called because they were imperfect and needed to learn something new, or something else along those lines. I cried the entire meeting.
If these women, whom I look up to on their very high pillars, are imperfect, I guess it’s okay that I am, too.
Then, our Bishop got up and bore his testimony. He said that Heavenly Father “does his work through imperfect people.” Again, I cried. I am so imperfect and don’t feel worthy to be involved in this great work, but He can still use me. In fact, every single person sitting in the meeting today is imperfect.
And He uses us all.
After going to Primary for a while (which was really fun because I got to substitute teach Buddy’s class), I had the opportunity to sneak into a bit of Relief Society. The lesson was about temple work, and our lovely teacher taught, again, exactly what I needed to hear.
She mentioned that we can often feel guilt during temple and family
history work lessons because we’re not able to do a lot. However, if we just point our selves in the right direction, and try to do something, we’re doing enough. Again, I cried.
I am enough. You are enough. As long as we are trying, whatever we’re doing is enough.
My husband told me a little Proverb yesterday when I was down, “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” I love it. Even with all the mistakes I make and how many times I fall, I can at least get back up and try again.
I just want to bear my testimony that our Heavenly Father can really use us in this work. Every one of us is imperfect. Every one of us makes mistakes every day. He still needs us. He still wants us to try again.
It is also my strong testimony that through the Atonement of our Savior, we can truly have all our scarlet sins and shortcomings cleaned so we can pure and clean again. And I will be forever grateful and indebted to Him for that amazing gift.